Yikes! I'm an Adult

I prefer to live life with the spirit and amusement of a child. Over the years I've found that this mode of thinking makes life a lot less stressful and a heck of a lot of fun. Of course, my husband doesn't always agree with my philosophy - especially when I have moments of thinking it's perfectly okay to ditch all those adult-like responsibilities and play all day. But I've always been a believer of the saying "you are only as old as you feel." (or is it "act?") Either way - I vow to stay young at heart!!!

But this morning I was shockingly aware that I am an adult. Not old, just an adult. My 30 minute commute is my time of uninterrupted reflection that I don't wish to trade, and it was during this time that I had this adult-like feeling. This morning the first stop on my commute was dropping my 7-year-old daughter off at the Eastern Music Festival Kid's Camp. Perhaps it was the rain making me feel all dreamy and nostalgic, I don't know. But the first aha moment came when a song of yesteryear blared from my newly organized IPod (I spent much of the weekend redoing my songs and playlists). I hadn't heard this song in many years and was taken back to when my husband and I purchased the CD.

I was very pregnant with our daughter and it was a snowy night. Bundled up in my husband's over sized fleece pullover, I hoisted me and my belly into our truck. The kid in him loves to go 4-wheeling in the snow and I reluctantly tag along in most instances. The truck was only a couple of months old and it was complete with leather seats and seat warmers. Since birth I think I've always been a "hot-natured" creature and rarely find myself with a chill - but that all changed when I became pregnant and would find myself wrapped up in a blanket in the middle of August. On that cold, dark night that heated seat was a little slice of warm heaven to my cold bones. As the song played this morning I was taken back to that feeling of comfort; my loving husband singing beside me, my growing baby resting against my ribs, and being cradled by a warmed leather seat. Sadly, I think at that time in my life I did feel old. I'd become bogged down in the details of the day-to-day and forsaken my carefree spirit and zest for life.

Fast forward the purchase of a home, the birth of another child, the development of many blessed friendships, and a lot of soul searching and I am extremely glad life has come full circle. So I guess that one finds themselves in the body and mind of an adult when they are able to look back and see how much they've accomplished - both emotionally and tangibly.

My beautiful angel in the backseat didn't let these adult feelings end in with memory of her daddy's truck. As we pulled into the Guilford College campus little M's teeth began to chatter. Like me, this is her reaction to nervousness.

"Are you nervous, sweetie?"
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"What if all of the kids are mean?"

My heart sank and then soared in one breath. I felt for her having to venture into a strange room and approach faces and personalities unknown. Experience tells me that this will not get any easier for many, many more years to come. But my heart soars as I remember my own camp days. I too ventured to music camps at universities, although I was older and they were overnight camps. Those weeks of meeting new people, gaining exposure to new environments and new ways of thinking were nothing less than awe-inspiring. Like a kept animal breaking free from it's cage, I roamed the landscape and soaked in the creativity around me. I longed for that freedom to be permanent; I viewed future days spent on a college campus as my ticket to spiritual and cultural growth. Little M is too young to feel quite this way about her experience today, but it is a stepping stone; one of many experiences that will shape her curiosity and interests and the woman she will become. As I think about the roads she will travel I suppose the ones I've entered and exited are distinctly clear now that I am an adult woman. Ahhhh, what a long, strange trip it's been!