The Facebook Experiment

It was a Thursday night and as I lay in the bed with my three year old I was faced with an overwhelming need for something – anything – to change in my stressful existence. A voice quite clearly and even more persistently told me to delete my Facebook account. Really? I may have even broken into a light sweat at the thought of being so disconnected from... And then it dawned on me that I couldn’t articulate what it was I would be disconnecting from.

Was it “friends” that I hadn’t seen or heard from since high school? I quickly realized that in those 14 years or so I functioned perfectly fine not knowing what they were having for dinner. Was it my extended family? Okay, that one posed a little more convincing argument for staying facebooked. I mean, it is true, I know more about what is going on the lives of aunts, uncles, cousins, and other twice removed relatives than I have since moving an hour away and starting my own family unit. My true friends, that’s it I rationalized! Nope, we managed to bond just fine via email, phone and *gasp* face-to-face conversations for many years. The more I tried to grasp what I would miss the more I felt the urge to delete. I was energized by the thought of getting back to basics. Phone calls, conversations shared over lunch or coffee and emails that read like letters. I bolted from my three year old’s bed and planted myself before the laptop before I could come to my senses. In a flurry of nervous energy I deleted not only my Facebook account but every email account that contained IM. The basis being that Facebook and all forms of IM and texting truly serve as time suckers and only accentuate our inability to connect on a human level.

Many would probably say, why not just simply ignore Facebook – just don’t log on. For introverts who possess high levels of self-control I’m sure that is a solution for regulating technical distractions of all sorts. For me, not so much. I need for some privileges (eh, temptations?) to be distinctly removed from my reach. If they are within damaging length I’m sure to fail in all attempts at avoidance.

Day one I was feeling liberated and free. At every turn I noticed moments passing where I would have previously “quickly” checked Facebook. No activity was sacred, I would allow the activity of 189 “friends” to lure me from any mundane LIFE task - washing dishes, driving, cleaning the baseboards, reviewing second grade spelling words. I’ve heard of stories of Facebook records making their way into divorce proceedings; now I can just imagine the multitude of self-help books yet to emerge. “Healing for Children Ignored for Social Media,” or “How to Navigate Housework AND Social Media.” The possibilities are endless!

I envisioned myself breaking away from the trends and being the wife, mother and friend I was supposed to be. One who is 100% present in every activity and interaction. One who calls or writes meaningful words to show their feelings and/or appreciation. One who exists in an intimate orb of friends and family not infested by the shenanigans of distant acquaintances. Yeap, I was rising above the disruptive technology and couldn’t feel better.

By day 6 I was having withdraws. (Perhaps there will be a Facebook Anonymous group in the future?) The urge to see what folks were listening to, what videos were circulating, to know who’s birthday it was, to know how my friends miles away were faring with the winter blues, to see group updates (my version of ‘news’), to read blog updates and to know if my coffee group had advanced their travel plans were so strong I began to feel as though living on a deserted island inhibited only by my husband, children and the dogs. Alas, that was the point of my stance! In those eight days I had prepared more elaborate meals, my house was cleaner, I had reorganized my IPod, watched countless hours of House Hunters and various History Channel shows, danced my booty off in my living room and just been generally productive. But I missed my social outlet… I mentioned I was a bit of an extrovert, yes?

Here are a few things I began to notice in my self-induced exile from the cyber social world. Regardless of how witty, interesting or overall great you think your life and wisdom is (shared via status updates, of course) they aren’t. Only three people actually acknowledged my absence. Facebook has the ability to seriously warp one’s sense of reality. I mean, if you rely on your friend’s profiles, status updates, quizzes and notes to define normal you’re in serious trouble. Just because they have pictures posted of their family baking cookies in a pristine kitchen with matching aprons and smiles does NOT mean that every evening is spent is such bliss. They aren’t really going to post that picture of Billy running his matchbox car through the dog poop, Sally cutting her own bangs, daddy zoned out in the recliner and mommy in the corner quietly crying as she prepares Hamburger Helper now are they? And are YOUR mood swings as brief as a 100 word status update can indicate. Today: “Ugh. I hate people.” Two days later: “Life is great, God is good… I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who adore me.” Okay – what the hell happened in between those two days? Did ya have a nervous breakdown, get wasted and dance on a table somewhere, stay under your pillow for two days? We’ll never know, all we see is ya had a bad day and it miraculously turned around for ya. Again, a warped glimpse into someone’s life at best and a lie altogether at worst. And really, why should we want to see? Some things should be reserved for those intimate inhabitants of your deserted island – no matter where or what that island looks like.

But I failed… gave into the temptation on day 10. Facebook, perhaps knowing the addictive quality of their empire, graciously gives users 14 days to fully reinstate their accounts. On day 10 I needed to participate in said coffee club’s travel plans and as I began typing each individual email address and knowing that I would have to wait until each member checked their vacated email accounts I grew anxious. A quick Facebook message would have the dialogue going in half the time! Damn it! But the experiment wasn’t in vain; I got a 10 day lesson in perspective.

I spent a great deal of time in college studying the effects of TV on children, teens and families. Therefore I pretty much disdain most common television and could do without one in my house (my husband and children might do without me first, though). Maybe I can so easily dismiss TV because it is a spectator activity; whereas Facebook scratches my interactive need and love of words. Or maybe it’s because I’m ADD (or at the very least have a focus problem) and love that it is the one-stop shop for catching up with friends and family, reading the most important headlines, and reading a review of the Atlanta Alice in Chains show all within a 30 minute window. It is what it is and I now will only allow myself one hour of IT per day… at least until I decide I need another 14 day separation.